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I do not like eggs. I don't like them fried, poached, hard-boiled, soft-boiled, over easy, over hard or raw in a beer. I detest omelets, avoid quiche, and quiver in the presence of flan. Deviled eggs give me the willies.
Sometimes when my wife eats eggs I'll make funny faces at her. She hates that. Did you know that Filipinos put whole eggs in their meat loaf? They also bury eggs in the ground and then dig them up and sell them from a cart. They have this stuff called balut—I won’t even tell you what that is. Yuck.
When we go out to breakfast, it is a challenge to order a full meal without eggs. Most of the time I'll order a combo breakfast, and when the waitperson asks how I want my eggs, I'll say something like "I want them left in the kitchen", or something like that. Half the time they'll just stare at me, and the other half they'll be all sweet and offer me fruit or something. I'll never order french toast (it's dipped in eggs, you know).
I shudder at the thought of mayonnaise. I won't eat a sandwich with mayonnaise on it. Paradoxically, I will eat a tuna sandwich mixed with mayo, but not if the mayo is spread on the bread. And don't try scraping it off and saying there was never mayo on it--I'll know.
There are two exceptions to my egg *issue* that I should tell you about, in case you want to have me over for breakfast one morning. The first is that I will eat scrambled eggs. But not just any scrambled eggs. It is an exact recipe, and any deviation will void the exception.
You take three eggs and crack them into a bowl. Use a fork to get rid of the white things (you know what I mean). Add a tablespoon of water and mix them up like there's no tomorrow. Once they are mixed completely, put a frying pan on medium-high. Add enough butter to coat the pan. While the pan is heating, add in a cup of grated cheese (cheddar, jack, whatever), 1/4 cup of sliced black olives, 1/4 cup of sliced mushrooms, and 1 chopped scallion. Mix it all together and pour into the pan. Start scrambling and don't stop until the eggs are scrambled hard. Bacon and toast make good side dishes.
If this seems too much, I also like custard-filled donuts. What time did you say breakfast was?
Sometimes when my wife eats eggs I'll make funny faces at her. She hates that. Did you know that Filipinos put whole eggs in their meat loaf? They also bury eggs in the ground and then dig them up and sell them from a cart. They have this stuff called balut—I won’t even tell you what that is. Yuck.
When we go out to breakfast, it is a challenge to order a full meal without eggs. Most of the time I'll order a combo breakfast, and when the waitperson asks how I want my eggs, I'll say something like "I want them left in the kitchen", or something like that. Half the time they'll just stare at me, and the other half they'll be all sweet and offer me fruit or something. I'll never order french toast (it's dipped in eggs, you know).
I shudder at the thought of mayonnaise. I won't eat a sandwich with mayonnaise on it. Paradoxically, I will eat a tuna sandwich mixed with mayo, but not if the mayo is spread on the bread. And don't try scraping it off and saying there was never mayo on it--I'll know.
There are two exceptions to my egg *issue* that I should tell you about, in case you want to have me over for breakfast one morning. The first is that I will eat scrambled eggs. But not just any scrambled eggs. It is an exact recipe, and any deviation will void the exception.
You take three eggs and crack them into a bowl. Use a fork to get rid of the white things (you know what I mean). Add a tablespoon of water and mix them up like there's no tomorrow. Once they are mixed completely, put a frying pan on medium-high. Add enough butter to coat the pan. While the pan is heating, add in a cup of grated cheese (cheddar, jack, whatever), 1/4 cup of sliced black olives, 1/4 cup of sliced mushrooms, and 1 chopped scallion. Mix it all together and pour into the pan. Start scrambling and don't stop until the eggs are scrambled hard. Bacon and toast make good side dishes.
If this seems too much, I also like custard-filled donuts. What time did you say breakfast was?
