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I slept fitfully last night. We were sleeping at Arlina's parents'house. Arlina was restless. She never really sleeps a full night--she gets up and does stuff throughout the night. Sometimes she reads or gets something to eat, sometimes she decides to shred documents. It doesn't really matter--almost everything she does wakes me up.
I have some sleeping pills that the doctor gave me--Ambien. They are supposed to be non-addictive (a good thing for me). They work well, but he cautioned me not to use them every night. So I get to pick which nights to get a good sleep.
Arlina spends about three days a week at her mom's now. It works out better in the daytime when I am at work. When she is home alone she gets lonely. The downside is that I have to go there after work. The house is always full of people--kids, in-laws, and so on. I can only take so much of that.
I need some quiet time in my day, otherwise I go crazy. Arlina is the opposite--too quiet and she gets edgy. We have always had problems understanding each other in this respect. When I start to get anxious because I haven't had any time to myself, she will suggest something like, "Why don't you lie down on the couch?" Yes, but the couch is surrounded by screaming kids. She just doesn't understand that I need to be totally away from it.
Sometimes I'll go home to get some peace and quiet, and a good night's sleep. Bu when I do, she gets lonely for me. Every once in a while she'll remind me that when she's gone, I'll have plenty of quiet time. And there's no answer for that one.
There was a birthday party last night. One of Arlina's sisters sat down and talked to me for a while. She told me that they hoped Arlina would live for another ten years, because they didn't know what to do with me if she died. They are trying to figure out how to take care of me. I'm not at all sure I want to be taken care of, but I 'm not sure I don't want to be take care of either. No wonder they don't know what to do for me.
I am an enigma to them. I am so different from anything they have ever experienced, at least in respect to being family. I am "the american" --the first one they met, and the one who they know better than anyone else. I am an eccentric to them, and sometimes it is easier for them to simply humor me than it is to understand who I really am.
I think the nieces know me better--they have spent enough time with me to know my moods and how I think. One of them said something interesting the other day in responst to something Arlina said. Arlina was half-joking about whether I was going to get a girlfriend (the implication being after she's gone), and the niece very forcefully responded, "Don't worry auntie, we're going to protect uncle Mike". Somehow, I found hope in that.
I never know how to end these somewhat randomly put-together posts, so I will simply end by telling you that I had a delicious cranberry-oat scone and a double espresso for breakfast this morning.
I have some sleeping pills that the doctor gave me--Ambien. They are supposed to be non-addictive (a good thing for me). They work well, but he cautioned me not to use them every night. So I get to pick which nights to get a good sleep.
Arlina spends about three days a week at her mom's now. It works out better in the daytime when I am at work. When she is home alone she gets lonely. The downside is that I have to go there after work. The house is always full of people--kids, in-laws, and so on. I can only take so much of that.
I need some quiet time in my day, otherwise I go crazy. Arlina is the opposite--too quiet and she gets edgy. We have always had problems understanding each other in this respect. When I start to get anxious because I haven't had any time to myself, she will suggest something like, "Why don't you lie down on the couch?" Yes, but the couch is surrounded by screaming kids. She just doesn't understand that I need to be totally away from it.
Sometimes I'll go home to get some peace and quiet, and a good night's sleep. Bu when I do, she gets lonely for me. Every once in a while she'll remind me that when she's gone, I'll have plenty of quiet time. And there's no answer for that one.
There was a birthday party last night. One of Arlina's sisters sat down and talked to me for a while. She told me that they hoped Arlina would live for another ten years, because they didn't know what to do with me if she died. They are trying to figure out how to take care of me. I'm not at all sure I want to be taken care of, but I 'm not sure I don't want to be take care of either. No wonder they don't know what to do for me.
I am an enigma to them. I am so different from anything they have ever experienced, at least in respect to being family. I am "the american" --the first one they met, and the one who they know better than anyone else. I am an eccentric to them, and sometimes it is easier for them to simply humor me than it is to understand who I really am.
I think the nieces know me better--they have spent enough time with me to know my moods and how I think. One of them said something interesting the other day in responst to something Arlina said. Arlina was half-joking about whether I was going to get a girlfriend (the implication being after she's gone), and the niece very forcefully responded, "Don't worry auntie, we're going to protect uncle Mike". Somehow, I found hope in that.
I never know how to end these somewhat randomly put-together posts, so I will simply end by telling you that I had a delicious cranberry-oat scone and a double espresso for breakfast this morning.
