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Oct. 9th, 2004 05:51 amI'm sitting down in my office listening to the Mothers of Invention after having wandered the halls of the hospital for an hour or so. I slept for about 5 hours, on the "chair bed". I hate trying to sleep here. But at least I have a lot of friends to visit with when I can't sleep anymore.
Arlina has been sleeping pretty much since noon yesterday. It's like a drugged sleep, although she's not on that much now. I am going through the other possibilities in my mind. Maybe it is some sort of a post-narcotic crash thing like one does after a sustained partying binge. She was on huge doses for quite a while, and even though they took their time weaning them off, she could still be experiencing some withdrawal. Another possibility is an occult infection that hasn't shown itself yet. That would be bad news.
Arlina has a creepy dumbass nurse tonight, who thinks she is trying to die. I don't think that is what this is, although I could be wrong. This nurse suggested that I should go in and "give her permission". That's when I had to leave for a while, so I didn't succumb to the temptation to strangle her. There are nurses who can handle things like this with sensitivity, but she's not one of them.
When this current episode all started, there were a few days when Arlina was struggling so much with her pain that we both thought this was going to be it. We had been preparing ourselves for that eventuality for a while now, and one night we decided we had better say goodbye to each other, just in case. It was one of those beautiful moments that is so hard to describe.
When she woke up the next morning, she looked over at me, smiled, and said, "I'm still here". From that point she seemed to do a little better each day, and the sense that this was the end started to fade. She even sent me out to look for RV's the other day, so we can head to the coast when she gets out.
It's been three weeks that she has been in the hospital this time. I think it's the longest she's been in for any of her hospitalizations, but I can't remember how long she was in after the original surgery. Three weeks is a long time. Hospital food sucks. I must look like shit because people keep coming up and asking if I'm ok. I'm worn out, but I do feel ok. I'm as ready as I can be for whatever comes.
I'm going back upstairs now. Thanks for letting me vent.
Arlina has been sleeping pretty much since noon yesterday. It's like a drugged sleep, although she's not on that much now. I am going through the other possibilities in my mind. Maybe it is some sort of a post-narcotic crash thing like one does after a sustained partying binge. She was on huge doses for quite a while, and even though they took their time weaning them off, she could still be experiencing some withdrawal. Another possibility is an occult infection that hasn't shown itself yet. That would be bad news.
Arlina has a creepy dumbass nurse tonight, who thinks she is trying to die. I don't think that is what this is, although I could be wrong. This nurse suggested that I should go in and "give her permission". That's when I had to leave for a while, so I didn't succumb to the temptation to strangle her. There are nurses who can handle things like this with sensitivity, but she's not one of them.
When this current episode all started, there were a few days when Arlina was struggling so much with her pain that we both thought this was going to be it. We had been preparing ourselves for that eventuality for a while now, and one night we decided we had better say goodbye to each other, just in case. It was one of those beautiful moments that is so hard to describe.
When she woke up the next morning, she looked over at me, smiled, and said, "I'm still here". From that point she seemed to do a little better each day, and the sense that this was the end started to fade. She even sent me out to look for RV's the other day, so we can head to the coast when she gets out.
It's been three weeks that she has been in the hospital this time. I think it's the longest she's been in for any of her hospitalizations, but I can't remember how long she was in after the original surgery. Three weeks is a long time. Hospital food sucks. I must look like shit because people keep coming up and asking if I'm ok. I'm worn out, but I do feel ok. I'm as ready as I can be for whatever comes.
I'm going back upstairs now. Thanks for letting me vent.
