Giving Thanks

I am the cook today. Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, yams, green beans, mushrooms, rolls and a couple of pies. I feel ok as long as I keep busy, and this menu will keep me busy for a while. And cooking always relaxes me--preparing a big meal for lots of people is the best therapy I know.

Things are quiet right now. The only noise is the ticking of the clock. I feel at peace for the moment.

There are so many things I give thanks for this year. To be given the time I had with Arlina, to really come to understand what marriage is about, to know that I was truly loved, and that I did truly love. That she is at peace.

I am thankful for the people who have surrounded us with love. Family, friends who I would have never expected, my friends at LJ. If you give thanks for anything this year, give thanks for the people in your life--they may one day become the very thing that keeps you going.

I am thankful for all my nieces and nephews--who can still bring joy into this house. My littlest niece, hunny bunny, was born the day after Arlina was diagnosed. She started calling me "Ma-mik", which we think means "uncle mike". Her little smile just lights up my heart.

At one of the worst moments of my life up until now, I watched my grandfather as he puttered around in his garden, tending to his flowers. At the time, I just felt that my life was over, and all I could see was pain. He hadn't spoken to me all day.

It was about sunset. I watched him as he picked one of the flowers and turned the stem between his fingers, considering it from all sides. He looked at me, and said, "Life is so beautiful".

And he was right. Life is beautiful. And I give thanks for it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving

Well, it turned out to be a day full of things to give thanks for, with a little bit of healing thrown in.

I cooked and cooked all morning, until the nieces came at around noon, and then I supervised. This is their third year assisting, and they require very little hands-on assistance. Traditionally, my domain has been the kitchen, and it was Arlina who directed the setting of the table. This year the girls did it themselves--they even ironed the napkins! She trained them well, and I could feel her presence in their movements.

Amazingly, the dinner came together perfectly, and on time. We sat down at 5:30 for the blessing. After blessing the food, I invited everyone to offer thanks for how Arlina had touched their lives, and we went around the table. It was very touching to hear the girls talk about how Arlina had guided them, and had always been there for them. Her sisters and brothers talked about how she had worked to bring them to the U.S. her parents simply noted the joy she had brought to their lives. I spoke of how she really made me into a decent person--how she took this rough, unfinished piece of material and shaped it into something beautiful. And I gave thanks for having been given her family to be with me. We all cried for a minute, and then I said "Auntie Arlina says, 'Let's eat'!"
And we did.

Partway through the meal, I became a little sad. I missed her being next to me, and leaning over to whisper to me what a wonderful job I had done on the meal. Just then, her sister leaned over and said, "My sister wants me to tell you that you did such a good job on the dinner, and she loves you!" And I knew that Arlina was there with us.

It could have been a terrible day, but it wasn't. The house wis filled with love, and screaming kids, and the smell of food. It was a beautiful day--the kind we give thanks for.