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home (for the moment)
Aug. 31st, 2005 05:23 pmI arrived home late monday night after a 950 mile drive through some of the most desolate country I have ever seen.
I woke up yesterday morning, and wondered "what do I do now?". I don't want to go back to the hospital. I don't want to just sit around. I'm not ready to decide on the priesthood, or graduate school, or whatever.
Lacking a plan, I went to mass at the little franciscan church. The priest talked about how we can fret about the future, but it really does us no good, since it is unknown. He suggested that we instead simply do the things that are set before us, right now.
I came home and looked at my friends list. I saw this: "If every person who has wasted a few brain cells and a pocket full of money partying in New Orleans would open up their hearts and their wallets and send some assistance..., and it got me thinking about what I could do. For a moment, I was paralyzed by the enormity of it. what difference would it make if I did anything or not?
But then I took a look at myself and thought about the gifts and skills that I have. I am a nurse and a deacon, and I have almost absolute freedom to do whatever I want, at least for the time being. I called the Red Cross and asked if they needed a nurse.
I took a bunch of classes there today in preparation for working in a disaster response team. I'll take the medical class tomorrow. I have made myself available for immediate deployment to wherever they need me, and for whatever they need me to do. Maybe early next week.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I am repaying a debt, although it is hard to explain. The people of NOLA were so kind to me when I was there for a month when my mom was sick. It was there, in the St. Louis Cathedral, that I heard God ask me to become a deacon. Maybe it is for the New Orleans people on my friends list, who were so caring and supportive when Arlina was sick.
Maybe it is for me. As I sat in class today, it felt like my life had finally started again.
I woke up yesterday morning, and wondered "what do I do now?". I don't want to go back to the hospital. I don't want to just sit around. I'm not ready to decide on the priesthood, or graduate school, or whatever.
Lacking a plan, I went to mass at the little franciscan church. The priest talked about how we can fret about the future, but it really does us no good, since it is unknown. He suggested that we instead simply do the things that are set before us, right now.
I came home and looked at my friends list. I saw this: "If every person who has wasted a few brain cells and a pocket full of money partying in New Orleans would open up their hearts and their wallets and send some assistance..., and it got me thinking about what I could do. For a moment, I was paralyzed by the enormity of it. what difference would it make if I did anything or not?
But then I took a look at myself and thought about the gifts and skills that I have. I am a nurse and a deacon, and I have almost absolute freedom to do whatever I want, at least for the time being. I called the Red Cross and asked if they needed a nurse.
I took a bunch of classes there today in preparation for working in a disaster response team. I'll take the medical class tomorrow. I have made myself available for immediate deployment to wherever they need me, and for whatever they need me to do. Maybe early next week.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I am repaying a debt, although it is hard to explain. The people of NOLA were so kind to me when I was there for a month when my mom was sick. It was there, in the St. Louis Cathedral, that I heard God ask me to become a deacon. Maybe it is for the New Orleans people on my friends list, who were so caring and supportive when Arlina was sick.
Maybe it is for me. As I sat in class today, it felt like my life had finally started again.
