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June 26--Passages
Jun. 26th, 2020 06:05 amOn Father's day this past Sunday, we went up to Auburn to spend some time with my dad, who was staying up at my step-sister's house for the week. It's the first time I have had a chance to see him since the pandemic hit back in March. We sat out by the pool and talked for hours and hours.
His brother had passed away a few weeks ago at the age of 93, and the grandson of his brother had sent me all sorts of questions about what life was like for the brothers growing up. My dad seemed to enjoy the questions, and gave very long, meandering answers. I recorded him on my phone, so I could send the videos to my uncle's grandson.
At some point in our conversation, my dad talked about his own parents, and how they were distant to him, and really never expressed any love. "It was a cold house," he said.
Somehow that led to our own relationship, which has often been distant. In the past few years, though, we have gotten closer, and found it much easier to talk to each other.
I told him that I was glad that he was my father, and that I loved him. He seemed relieved to hear that. It was a good moment for both of us. Neither of us are very good at expressing our emotions, but we managed to do so out by the pool that day.
Yesterday evening, my step-sister called, and told me that he had passed away, sitting out at his favorite spot by the pool. He was 90 years old, and ready to go, I think. When I called to tell him that his brother had passed a few weeks ago, he mentioned that they had both led long lives, and were now "playing with house money". I liked that phrase.
I'm glad we had that time together on Sunday. It feels to me like we had no unfinished business, though I would have liked to have spent more time with him in the future. When I was leaving that day, he gave me a hug, despite social distancing. I'm grateful for that too.
My step-sister is coming by later to pick me up to take me down to his apartment in the Bay Area, where we will begin the work of dealing with whatever comes next.
If this is all we ever get
I'll learn to live with it without regret
Make the sweet a little sweeter
The pain a little easier to bear.
The only thing I truly own
I can never touch or hold
No it's buried in this body waiting for its day to go on home.
But listen to your heart
And it will lead you through the dark
'Cause somewhere in you
Burns a light lit by some eternal spark.
His brother had passed away a few weeks ago at the age of 93, and the grandson of his brother had sent me all sorts of questions about what life was like for the brothers growing up. My dad seemed to enjoy the questions, and gave very long, meandering answers. I recorded him on my phone, so I could send the videos to my uncle's grandson.
At some point in our conversation, my dad talked about his own parents, and how they were distant to him, and really never expressed any love. "It was a cold house," he said.
Somehow that led to our own relationship, which has often been distant. In the past few years, though, we have gotten closer, and found it much easier to talk to each other.
I told him that I was glad that he was my father, and that I loved him. He seemed relieved to hear that. It was a good moment for both of us. Neither of us are very good at expressing our emotions, but we managed to do so out by the pool that day.
Yesterday evening, my step-sister called, and told me that he had passed away, sitting out at his favorite spot by the pool. He was 90 years old, and ready to go, I think. When I called to tell him that his brother had passed a few weeks ago, he mentioned that they had both led long lives, and were now "playing with house money". I liked that phrase.
I'm glad we had that time together on Sunday. It feels to me like we had no unfinished business, though I would have liked to have spent more time with him in the future. When I was leaving that day, he gave me a hug, despite social distancing. I'm grateful for that too.
My step-sister is coming by later to pick me up to take me down to his apartment in the Bay Area, where we will begin the work of dealing with whatever comes next.
If this is all we ever get
I'll learn to live with it without regret
Make the sweet a little sweeter
The pain a little easier to bear.
The only thing I truly own
I can never touch or hold
No it's buried in this body waiting for its day to go on home.
But listen to your heart
And it will lead you through the dark
'Cause somewhere in you
Burns a light lit by some eternal spark.
