(no subject)

After I got back from Las Vegas, I discovered that I had a little lump in my left chest. I went to see the doctor and he recommended that I get it worked up. This involves getting an ultrasound and a mammogram, followed by a fine-needle biopsy if there is something there to biopsy. One of our surgeons was kind enough to lay it all out for me, and she offered to do the biopsy if needed.

I have been walking around with this rattling around in my head for about a week and a half now. At first, I just assumed that it would turn out to be nothing. As the days went by, though, I started wondering what would happen if.....

At some point last week, I had a feeling I was going to die (without any real basis in fact). I was getting ready for work, listening to Gillian Welch, and just started crying. I guess it doesn't help that Gillian Welch is some of the saddest music I know ( and here I am listening to it again).
I moped around work all day and when I got home I shared my feelings with Arlina. She tried to comfort me by observing that all of us are going to die sometime. She's not really the comforting type. The next day she got the flu and I got to comfort her, and that made me feel better. By the end of the week we were joking about it.

The lump is still there, though, and I'm feeling uneasy again. My appointment with the mammogram people is next friday. I thought it was a long time to wait, but it was the best they could do. So I guess I'll wait.