(no subject)

I went to a funeral today for the son of one of my patients from earlier this year. His father had been in the hospital for about 4 months, and I pretty much got to know the whole family. I particularly liked this guy, because even though his dad was dying, he would still joke around a little with me whenever he came in. He would always leave a little pile of those Cream Savers hard candies on my charting table too, so even if I wasn't around I would know he had been there. He died in his sleep last week. We had met again a few times since his dad's death, and I bet we would have become friends if given the time.

Up until these folks, I had never really had any involvement away from the hospital with the families of people I had taken care of. But I got pretty close to them, and they had me over for dinner the night before they withdrew care on their dad. They asked me to be the one to do it, which I did. It was this experience that prompted me to leave bedside nursing. Somehow this one case drained it all out of me, and I just couldn't do it anymore.

It was nice to see all these people again, but it still feels like I am crossing some boundary that wasn't supposed to be crossed. I don't know.