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Age 6 mos: I am prone to ear infections and fussiness, but am doing well with solid food.
Age 2: I eat a snail from the garden. I have picture taken of me that day, and I look pretty satisfied. This is a story that has been told for years by my mom, but has never been independently verified.
Age 5: I put paste on my kindergarten teacher's chair, believing she will stick to it. She doesn't. After the school year she gets married and moves to Alaska.
Age 6: My grandpa buys me a cowboy outfit, dresses me up in it, and takes me all over town to show me off. He takes a picture of me in front of my grandma's real estate office, which he keeps in his wallet. Much later, he runs into Joe DiMaggio in San Francisco and gets his autograph on the back of the picture. I'm willing to bet none of you have a picture of yourself dressed like a cowboy that is signed by Joltin' Joe.
Age 7: Uncle Joe comes to Christmas dinner drunk. He was a devout Catholic and a former lightweight boxer who owned a bar in San Francisco. His boxing name was "California Joe Lynch". I have a clock on my mantle that he won in a boxing tournament in 1920. The key to wind the clock sits in an ashtray from his bar.
Uncle Joe thought my aunt was going to pick him up after early Mass to bring him to our house for dinner, she thought it was after late Mass. He decided to "have a few" while he waited for her. When he arrived at our house, there was a big argument about whether he should stay or leave. He leaves with the half of the family who thought he should have been allowed to stay. It causes a permanent rift. I miss out on boxing lessons, but get a fire truck from my aunt.
Age 8: Our class goes on a field trip to the Granny Goose potato chip factory. I learn that barbecue potato chips aren't really barbecued. it is the first in a series of life-altering disillusionments.
Age 10: I get words of wisdom from Miss Danielson, my teacher. We had an assignment due, and I didn't do it. The girl who sat in front of me had done hers though, and that was good enough for me. I grab her paper, erase her name, and put mine on it and turn it in. Miss Danielson was no slouch--she figured it out pretty quickly. She called me up to the front of the class to admonished me: "It's not even your handwriting--if you're going to cheat, at least put some effort into it". I heed her advice, remembering to recopy in my own hand any future papers I steal from classmates before turning them in. Miss Danielson gets married after the school year and moves to Wisconsin.
Age 2: I eat a snail from the garden. I have picture taken of me that day, and I look pretty satisfied. This is a story that has been told for years by my mom, but has never been independently verified.
Age 5: I put paste on my kindergarten teacher's chair, believing she will stick to it. She doesn't. After the school year she gets married and moves to Alaska.
Age 6: My grandpa buys me a cowboy outfit, dresses me up in it, and takes me all over town to show me off. He takes a picture of me in front of my grandma's real estate office, which he keeps in his wallet. Much later, he runs into Joe DiMaggio in San Francisco and gets his autograph on the back of the picture. I'm willing to bet none of you have a picture of yourself dressed like a cowboy that is signed by Joltin' Joe.
Age 7: Uncle Joe comes to Christmas dinner drunk. He was a devout Catholic and a former lightweight boxer who owned a bar in San Francisco. His boxing name was "California Joe Lynch". I have a clock on my mantle that he won in a boxing tournament in 1920. The key to wind the clock sits in an ashtray from his bar.
Uncle Joe thought my aunt was going to pick him up after early Mass to bring him to our house for dinner, she thought it was after late Mass. He decided to "have a few" while he waited for her. When he arrived at our house, there was a big argument about whether he should stay or leave. He leaves with the half of the family who thought he should have been allowed to stay. It causes a permanent rift. I miss out on boxing lessons, but get a fire truck from my aunt.
Age 8: Our class goes on a field trip to the Granny Goose potato chip factory. I learn that barbecue potato chips aren't really barbecued. it is the first in a series of life-altering disillusionments.
Age 10: I get words of wisdom from Miss Danielson, my teacher. We had an assignment due, and I didn't do it. The girl who sat in front of me had done hers though, and that was good enough for me. I grab her paper, erase her name, and put mine on it and turn it in. Miss Danielson was no slouch--she figured it out pretty quickly. She called me up to the front of the class to admonished me: "It's not even your handwriting--if you're going to cheat, at least put some effort into it". I heed her advice, remembering to recopy in my own hand any future papers I steal from classmates before turning them in. Miss Danielson gets married after the school year and moves to Wisconsin.
