Life in the Emergency Room

I am in the emergency room--my wife is here being worked up for cholecystitis, which is the fancy name for gallstones. We have been here since 8 am. She's having some pain, but otherwise ok. They just gave her some demerol, and she got loopy for a couple of minutes then fell asleep. It is funny--whenever she gets narcotics, she loses her inhibitions and will say just about anything. Fortunately, it is usually in some filipino dialect.

I have mentioned it before, but it is always so strange for me to be in a hospital setting, and not be in a provider role. I'm glad it doesn't happen very often.

I'm pretty sure she's going to be fine. It just takes so long to figure it out.

(no subject)

We came home from the hospital about 2 hours ago, and my wife fell asleep immediately, still under the effects of another dose of pain medicine.


It was bad news. I could see it in the doctor's face as soon as she walked in the room, yet her words still stunned me. My wife was still groggy from the demerol. I'm not sure how much she understands. She woke up a little while ago and asked where we were, and went back to sleep.

It looks like a very bad form of cancer, and pretty far advanced. She will need to have a biopsy to be sure. Her CT scan shows multiple large liver metastases, probably from the colon.

There are a thousand things running through my mind. It is so quiet in the house right now. The only noise is the ticking of the clock, and my wife's breathing. I have spent stretches of the last two hours standing over the bed and watching her breathe. Wondering what the morning will bring for her, and for me.

I have sat here wondering whether to journal this. I am still stunned, and really don't know what to do with myself at the moment.