Make me an angel...

Make me an angel that flies from Montgomery
Make me a poster of an old rodeo.
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go.



These lyrics always make me cry--it feels good to cry with the beauty of life.

The doctor dance

I am home this morning with Arlina, nursing her though a bout of abdominal pain. It started yesterday while I was at work, but she didn't tell me until after 5, when the doctor's office had already closed. So I came home and found her lying on the sofa, writhing in pain.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't a nurse. I want to be ignorant of all but what is absolutely necessary for me to know. I want to call the doctor's office and tell them that I don't know what is happening, only that my wife is suffering, and could they please do something. But I can't.

Instead, I assess her pain--all the questions that I have been trained to ask. Sharp or dull, steady, intermittent, stabbing squeezing. "Point with one finger where it hurts the worst".

I take out my stethoscope and listen to each quadrant in turn. I palpate, percuss and poke. I take her temperature, and review the meds she has taken today.

I call the on-call doctor and share my findings with him. He is always appreciative of the thoroughness of my exam. We discuss possibilities and agree on a plan. He hangs up and I go in to try and help her through this. The husband stands in the corner while the nurse does what he has to do.

Doctor dance part II

We continued on until about noon, but Arlina's pain just wasn't going away. I called the doctor's office again and discussed things with Matt, the oncology nurse. I told him that I thought Arlina needed to come in. There were apparently "issues" in the office, so we ended up going to the ED and ultimately had her admitted to the oncology unit.

I hate the ED. It's like going into the pits of hell. Waiting, waiting and more waiting. It took 8 hours for Arlina to finally make it up to the nursing floor.

The doctor doesn't know what is going on--it could be all sorts of things. We have to wait and see. At least her pain is under a little better control. That is really the most important thing.

As we were waiting for some test results, I flashed back to when this all started, a little over 10 months ago:

I am in the emergency room--my wife is here being worked up for cholecystitis, which is the fancy name for gallstones...We have been here since 8 am. She's having some pain, but otherwise ok...I'm pretty sure she's going to be fine.

I can so clearly remember writing that while she was off having a test, and really believing everything was going to be ok--I just couldn't have comprehended it being otherwise.

Her birthday is tuesday--I hope she can be home by then.

Arlina's birthday

Arlina's birthday is tuesday. I thought it would be cool if I could get as many people as possible to send her a birthday card--this is going to be a tough one for her, so I need all the help I can get.

If you would like to send her a card, please email me at myasma@aol.com, and I'll email you our address. It's ok if it arrives late!