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Nov. 17th, 2004 08:11 amI am sitting and watching her breathe. We are alone--everyone else went home for a while. She is on the couch, surrounded by pillows. She looks comfortable. Her breathing is irregular, waxing and waning in depth.
The curtains are open, looking out on the back yard. It is foggy and cold. The cats wander back and forth through the leaves that have fallen.
It is quiet. The only sounds are her breathing and the ticking of the mantle clock. The clock is 84 years old. I would put on some music, but I can't think of anything to play--nothing seems right.
She sleeps most of the time. Yesterday she would wake up periodically and still be able to ask for water and respond to some questions. Last night I told her I loved her, and she gave me a weak smile that pierced my heart.
This morning she woke up and was agitated. She had a wild-eyed look and could only moan. She seemed to be trying to bat something away with her hands. I couldn't tell if she recongized me. I gave her some medicine and it calmed her down and she went back to sleep.
I started crying--as bad as this has been, it has been ok, because we faced it together.But now I don't know where she is. Oh my God it hurts it hurts it hurts
The curtains are open, looking out on the back yard. It is foggy and cold. The cats wander back and forth through the leaves that have fallen.
It is quiet. The only sounds are her breathing and the ticking of the mantle clock. The clock is 84 years old. I would put on some music, but I can't think of anything to play--nothing seems right.
She sleeps most of the time. Yesterday she would wake up periodically and still be able to ask for water and respond to some questions. Last night I told her I loved her, and she gave me a weak smile that pierced my heart.
This morning she woke up and was agitated. She had a wild-eyed look and could only moan. She seemed to be trying to bat something away with her hands. I couldn't tell if she recongized me. I gave her some medicine and it calmed her down and she went back to sleep.
I started crying--as bad as this has been, it has been ok, because we faced it together.But now I don't know where she is. Oh my God it hurts it hurts it hurts
