(no subject)

[zyzyly]

I am sitting and watching her breathe. We are alone--everyone else went home for a while. She is on the couch, surrounded by pillows. She looks comfortable. Her breathing is irregular, waxing and waning in depth.

The curtains are open, looking out on the back yard. It is foggy and cold. The cats wander back and forth through the leaves that have fallen.

It is quiet. The only sounds are her breathing and the ticking of the mantle clock. The clock is 84 years old. I would put on some music, but I can't think of anything to play--nothing seems right.

She sleeps most of the time. Yesterday she would wake up periodically and still be able to ask for water and respond to some questions. Last night I told her I loved her, and she gave me a weak smile that pierced my heart.

This morning she woke up and was agitated. She had a wild-eyed look and could only moan. She seemed to be trying to bat something away with her hands. I couldn't tell if she recongized me. I gave her some medicine and it calmed her down and she went back to sleep.

I started crying--as bad as this has been, it has been ok, because we faced it together.But now I don't know where she is. Oh my God it hurts it hurts it hurts

Comments

[bettyray.livejournal.com]

Your story really makes evident the truly meaningful things in life. I'm one of many who are thinking about you, and it helps me put my petty problems in perspective. Thank you for sharing this hard time, with such grace.

[niyabinghi.livejournal.com]

It hurts.
Sending you both all my love and prayers for Arlina's journey to be a peaceful one.
(watched my mom through these last moments, too, and oh how my heart goes out to you...)

Hanging on, every word

[felixbunay.livejournal.com]

Thank you, for the writing.

Sorry I can't offer more than open eyes.

[(Anonymous)]

(((You)))

[pasticcio.livejournal.com]

My heart goes out to you, Mike.
*hugs*

[ruralrob.livejournal.com]

You are a truly amazing, brave and generous person whom I'm honoured to have on my friends list. I'm not someone who prays, but I am thinking warmly of you and A and sending you all the love that you can handle.

[sage-and-sea.livejournal.com]

I remember that pain.

We're out here, but we're also there with you.

[blakeh.livejournal.com]

You have included a lot of friends on this journey with Arlina, and all of us are wishing both of you the best. And though I know it's a lonely path despite the number of people walking next to you, please know that all of us share in some respect in your experience. We are, at least, witnesses to what you're going through. I know we can't make it better, and I know we can't understand what it feels like for you, but please know that you can always look to either side of you and find people who care about you.

Peace be with you.

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie, I know it hurts more than anything. We are thinking about you both continually. Wish we could hold you up a little while.

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that you must go through this.

*hugs*

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Oh my friend--this is hard, this is so hard.

Will it comfort you to hear the image that occurred to me? She is like a child, taking her first unsteady steps into her Father's arms.

[eleanor.livejournal.com]

I have no owrds, nothing to offer, except to wish peace to you both.

[ldygwynedd.livejournal.com]

It's times like these that the inadequacy of the internet and live journal over comes me.

You are in my virtual arms, Mike. I've been in prayer for you both all day and most of last night.

This is such a meager thing for me to say because you already know this but God is with you all the time. I feel completely useless for telling you something you already know.

For what little comfort this can bring you know that I am with you Mike, spiritually, prayerfully.

"Be not afraid
Know I am with you always"

[blistermoth.livejournal.com]

Oh honey, we're all hurting with you.

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

the night sky here is full of stars. my heart with you, wishing you strength and peace. you are so brave. xxoo

[saladbar.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[greymeowsr.livejournal.com]

Yes it does. I feel for your anguish my friend, Tom

our candlelit vigil

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

OUr family is with you both in prayer and spirit.



so much love to you Arlina and to you too Mike.

Re: our candlelit vigil

[ex-muzer409.livejournal.com]

I am putting Vaysha's picture on my desktop, prayers in my heart for some kind of ease. Your dear hearts will always be close.

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

*hugs* *peace* *grace* *blessings*

[donquixote.livejournal.com]

i want to send you a cd that i think might help in some small way.

email me at joecarryon@gmail.com with your address, & i'll get it out to you as soon as i can.

[ahsu.livejournal.com]

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, of course. This is a painful and lonely time. But you are not alone, even at the most isolated times. You already know that, but it bears repeating.

My thoughts are with you both.

[parisgarters.livejournal.com]

You aren't alone. I wish we could do more, but I pray for you always.

Words are inadequate.

[halbieky.livejournal.com]

You and Arlina have the continued prayers of both Stacie and me.

I don't know if you are affected by music (liturgical, I mean) the same way that I am, but reading your story and living it with you in this medium (and through my own experience) I can't help but hum to myself Psalm 31 (Father, I put my life in your hands...).

Faced with certain death, Jesus surrendered it to God. I know Arlina will do the same when the time comes, and I pray you are able to do the same.

God bless, always, with another candle lit for you, her, and your family.

Hal

[poetbear.livejournal.com]

hugs you both.~paul

[peregrinus236.livejournal.com]

I went through something similar with my mother last year. I had never before witnessed what happens as the body shuts down.

The nurse kept reminding me that the last thing to shut down is the ability to hear. No matter how far away she may seem, she can still hear you and comprehend on some level. Keep talking to her. I know it hurts. My heart goes out to you as you accompany her on this part of the journey. I also know that hurt can turn to joy in time. May the God of Compassion hold both you and Arline in a firm embrace.

All we go down to the grave singing: alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

[waning-estrogen.livejournal.com]

I don't know words to comfort
I don't know if there are any
but my heart goes out to you both

[morgainers.livejournal.com]

I know I'm a stranger to you, but I am saying prayers for you both.

*hugs,love,strength, and peace*

[geekchick]

You are both in my thoughts.

[kimmylovesbobby.livejournal.com]

My heart aches for you both. ((HUGS)) xoxo

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

holding you both in my heart...

[annabellissima.livejournal.com]

=;_;= *hug* Praying for and thinking of you both. My heart is overwhelmed but words fail me. As strange and distant as the internet is, reading your journal has made you both very dear to me.

I know you feel alone... but you both are in so many peoples' hearts during this time, so I hope that brings you comfort to know that truly, spiritually, you are not alone.

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

I want to say something but can't find the words. :( *hugs*

[fried-pearl.livejournal.com]

I am thinking and praying for you both. It is so hard, and you have been so strong. She is there, and always will be, in Spirit and with love.

[hippyone.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{Mike}}}}}}

[firestartermsu.livejournal.com]

You both amaze me with your strength and bravery. I just want you to know that you are both in my prayers.

[purple7luv.livejournal.com]

My heart is breaking for you both. I went through this with my mom, and this was without a doubt the most difficult part of the journey...when we just couldn't communicate any longer. I didn't know if anything I said was getting through.. when I worked in hospice, the nurses told me that hearing lingered the longest.. so keep talking to her, Mike. You are in my thoughts my prayers and my heart. Peace to you both.

[hagweena.livejournal.com]

I feel blessed to be a part of your life if it's only by reading your journal. You have touched me. You both are in my prayers.
Suzy

[worldcomrade.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you both.

You're not alone. If your lj were your living room, you'd be kicking us out because there were too many people.

I'm thinking of you and Arlina and wishing for grace and peace for you.

[stupid-freshman.livejournal.com]

please tell arlina that she is super strong and she is in my prayers. and mike, thanks for being there for her.

[watashi.livejournal.com]

There are no words. I'm sorry. *hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

You are in my prayers.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

So much love is here.

[canonfire.livejournal.com]

I am struggling to find any words to say.

Any words at all.

I offer any and all peace and comfort and support that it possible from so far away.

Both of you are in my prayers. You two are a testimony to what love really is - love as consistant and beautiful and infinite act. You two are love that is not spoken but done and done exceedingly well.

You are grace to one another and a blessing.

I pray for peace and comfort upon you both.

[soeursansmerci.livejournal.com]

You two are a testimony to what love really is - love as consistant and beautiful and infinite act. You two are love that is not spoken but done and done exceedingly well.

Indeed. Indeed. God bless you and Arlina both, now and forever.

[iamkatia.livejournal.com]

how achingly beautiful you are. ♥

[wilmygirl.livejournal.com]

My heart goes out to you. I've been through what you're going through, and I admire your strength. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

[zancro.livejournal.com]

You are not alone. We are all connected. I am with you.

. . . lovingkindness . . .