![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Oct. 11th, 2005
The downside of not wearing a watch
Oct. 11th, 2005 10:33 pm...is that i can't remember what day of the week it is.
I guess I will have to start paying attention again, since I am going back to work this week. I wandered over to the hospital this afternoon and put myself down for a couple of shifts. I'll be working in the ICU as a per-diem staff nurse, which means I can pick up shifts whenever I like, but really only have to work three days a pay period. I have to pay my own healthcare premiums, which cost about as much per month as what I make in a 12=hour shift, but that's ok.
I thought I would be a little anxious about going back, but I don't seem to be anxious about anything at the moment. I seem to have wandered into a little patch of serenity. I'll savor it while it lasts.
I attended the grief support group last night after a couple of months away. There was a woman there who had just lost her husband about a month ago, and she was in the most indescribable pain. I remembered so clearly what that was like--it is so intense that it just drops you to your knees, and you can't even imagine how there could be a way out of it.
It gets better, but it takes faith to believe that.
I looked back through my paper journal the other day looking for a particular entry, and read a little about where I was back in January. There was one entry that caught my attention. it said, in block letters, "BAD DAY BAD DAY", and i knew exactly what it meant.
I don't have that kind of pain anymore. And I can actually experience joy.
I guess I will have to start paying attention again, since I am going back to work this week. I wandered over to the hospital this afternoon and put myself down for a couple of shifts. I'll be working in the ICU as a per-diem staff nurse, which means I can pick up shifts whenever I like, but really only have to work three days a pay period. I have to pay my own healthcare premiums, which cost about as much per month as what I make in a 12=hour shift, but that's ok.
I thought I would be a little anxious about going back, but I don't seem to be anxious about anything at the moment. I seem to have wandered into a little patch of serenity. I'll savor it while it lasts.
I attended the grief support group last night after a couple of months away. There was a woman there who had just lost her husband about a month ago, and she was in the most indescribable pain. I remembered so clearly what that was like--it is so intense that it just drops you to your knees, and you can't even imagine how there could be a way out of it.
It gets better, but it takes faith to believe that.
I looked back through my paper journal the other day looking for a particular entry, and read a little about where I was back in January. There was one entry that caught my attention. it said, in block letters, "BAD DAY BAD DAY", and i knew exactly what it meant.
I don't have that kind of pain anymore. And I can actually experience joy.