The downside of not wearing a watch

[zyzyly]

...is that i can't remember what day of the week it is.

I guess I will have to start paying attention again, since I am going back to work this week. I wandered over to the hospital this afternoon and put myself down for a couple of shifts. I'll be working in the ICU as a per-diem staff nurse, which means I can pick up shifts whenever I like, but really only have to work three days a pay period. I have to pay my own healthcare premiums, which cost about as much per month as what I make in a 12=hour shift, but that's ok.

I thought I would be a little anxious about going back, but I don't seem to be anxious about anything at the moment. I seem to have wandered into a little patch of serenity. I'll savor it while it lasts.

I attended the grief support group last night after a couple of months away. There was a woman there who had just lost her husband about a month ago, and she was in the most indescribable pain. I remembered so clearly what that was like--it is so intense that it just drops you to your knees, and you can't even imagine how there could be a way out of it.

It gets better, but it takes faith to believe that.

I looked back through my paper journal the other day looking for a particular entry, and read a little about where I was back in January. There was one entry that caught my attention. it said, in block letters, "BAD DAY BAD DAY", and i knew exactly what it meant.

I don't have that kind of pain anymore. And I can actually experience joy.

Comments

[0nmyknervz.livejournal.com]

Reading this makes me experience joy. Hope work goes well.

[pinkroo.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you are where you are today.

[gracegiver]

Have I told you recently what a blessing you are?

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

it's good to know you're in that patch of serenity. i hope it lasts a long time.

[one4k4.livejournal.com]

:) I'm so happy to hear/read you saying/typing that. :)

[ilea.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I'm glad you are getting some joy.

[fried-pearl.livejournal.com]

You are sounding so much more at peace lately. I am so glad for that.

Next up: GOOD DAY GOOD DAY

[felixbunay.livejournal.com]

Time is the weirdest concept...ever.

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Your journey is a blessing to everyone you share it with. You remind me that being human is miraculous, and that we touch the divine more often than we realize.

[brendamom.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear you have passed through those early days. And passed with faith, too.
I think I lost my faith in the early years of grief and it is just now coming back.

I am very glad you have reached the place you are at now

[iluvdaphne.livejournal.com]

thank you for sharing the journey through your life with us,
your pains and joys and everything make me feel quite humble.

[carocrow.livejournal.com]

*celebrates for you*

I am glad that the light is outweighing the shadow in your life now.

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad.

[theodicy.livejournal.com]

And somewhere Arlina is dancing for joy, for you.

[errantpenny.livejournal.com]

Serenity and joy: Yay!!!

Work: Boo!!!

:)

[myasma.livejournal.com]

it seems so strange to be thnking "i have to get up in the morning to go to work" (especially since bedtime is over 12 hours away!).

when i went into the ICU yesterday to put myslf on the schedule, i was met with a barrage of hugs--it was pretty cool. i think that was why i first went back to work last january--the people i work with are so good.

one nice thing about living for a while is knowing that although the moments of serenity and joy don't last forever, neither do the moments of pain and anguish. as george harrison said, "all things must pass".

i watched a great movie the other day--"born into brothels". if you haven't already seen it, i think you would really like it. it is about a photographer who spends time in the brothels of india, teaching the kids there how to take pictures.

look how chatty i am!

[errantpenny.livejournal.com]

A barrage of hugs: hee hee -- the only good kind of assault.

Yep, everything passes, which is often comforting -- still there are moments I want to crawl into and curl up in for a while. They're always snatched away before I can do that.

I missed "born into brothels", but it's on my mental to-see list.

Chatty is good!

Multiloquous Mike

[goofpumpkin.livejournal.com]

Yes, you *are* quite chatty! :-P Good for you. BTW, I've seen that movie and liked it quite a bit. So much so that I've also recommended it to friends.

Re: Multiloquous Mike

[myasma.livejournal.com]

why, it was a friend that recommended it to me--one of my favorite people in the whole world!

[hummingalong.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you can experience joy. I know how it feels to really question whether you can make it through the day. But you get there and time heals all.