July 5--a low-flying panic attack

[zyzyly]

I stayed up too late last night, past my self-imposed midnight bedtime, and woke up late, past my self-imposed wake up time of 7 am. And then I didn't take my morning walk, and moped around the house all morning. That is exactly the reason I self-imposed. I finally got out of the house a little past noon and did some stuff.

At some point when I was out doing errands, I started to get really anxious about my doctoral project. It was like a huge weight descended on me. It kind of took me by surprise. It felt like I had a huge assignment due, and no time to finish it, part of which is true. I do have a huge assignment due--I have to finish writing my project proposal, which I have been working on all summer. We have about 12 days left in the semester and it is due at the end.

After I got home I sat down and looked at everything I have to do. It's really not as much as I thought. I have most of the proposal written, and have gotten feedback from my advisor on it. I thought about it and figured there is nothing to be anxious about, and I calmed down. I do have to keep working on it, though.

I went out this evening and participated in a big Ingress field. I wasn't a big part of it--just cleared some blocks. But it was very cool to participate in a big operation like that, where everything is coordinated to the minute, and multiple people participate. My spot was in the cemetery that I like to go to. I sat out there listening to the instructions going back and forth and watched the sun going down as I waited for my instruction to drop the portals there.



After that I went to the park and got in all the steps I missed this morning. I ended up 200 steps above my goal, and felt better.

Comments

[gracegiver]

It was a BEAUTIFUL field, too. Not sure how long it stayed up, was still there when I went to bed. (I don't have any problem with bedtimes, I'm so tired sometimes in the evenings, it takes everything I got to take a shower and hop in bed.) How many layers? And yes, all the work that goes into those large fields is commendable. I know the operators have done it many times, but still, the cooperation level necessary and listening to it unfold is ... well, a BIG deal.

[zyzyly.livejournal.com]

It got dropped just before midnight. Not sure how many layers, but I think 7 million MU.

[thoughtsbykat.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you looked at what you need to do with your doctoral project and realized you have it under control.

The cemetery is a quiet place to be to play Ingress.

[zyzyly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm not sure the anxiety was even connected to what I had to do. I think it was more of a "you better get on it" kind of thing.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

What a lovely cemetery!

I'm very glad you got the anxiety under control; that crap will peck at your mind like a crow on carrion.

[zyzyly.livejournal.com]

I love this spot.

Yeah--I generally don't let anxiety get the best of me. Eventually I lasso it and put it to work.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

I congratulate you so very strongly on looking at your stuff when you got home, instead of succumbing to ~~~Avoidant Hoiwwows~~~, which are Death.

[zyzyly.livejournal.com]

Haha yes!