(no subject)

[zyzyly]

I walked over to the cancer center a little while ago to meet Arlina for her oncology appointment. The oncologist's office is right across the street form the hospital, so it is very convenient for me. I go to all the appointments. I'm the note taker--I write down everything the doctor tells us and keep track of prescriptions and stuff.

I had forgotten that Arlina had a repeat CT scan last week. It is the halfway point in her treatment course, and time to check if it was working. Since I had forgotten she had it, I didn't fret about the results.

The oncologist showed us the ct scans and discussed the results. It looks like the liver nodules have grown a little, in spite of the treatment. It also looks like there is a small pathologic fracture in the right hip where the tumor is, but we'll have to take some xrays to get a better look.

It is kind of discouraging. You know, we hoped for something good. But we also knew that treatment was palliative at best. It could be worse. It is what it is.

So after we get back from our trip (yes, we get to take the trip), Arlina will start on a new treatment course with different drugs. Plan B.

I wanted to tell you a little about how our lives are with all of this. I know that it sometimes seems like a constant tragedy, but it really isn't. It was like that at first, but things have settled down a lot.

Most of our days are relatively normal days. We eat, play, grumble at each other, and have tea together every evening before we go to bed. In my worst moment after her surgery, I prayed that we could just have a chance to enjoy a cup of tea together at home, and we are blessed that it has almost become routine for us again. We deal with adversity as it comes, and enjoy the hidden gifts we find at almost every turn.

It's like floating down a river in a canoe. Sometimes it is turbulence and rapids. Other times it is peaceful, sun-dappled waters, drifting through a meadow filled with wildflowers. We cant change where we are in the river, and we can't change the reality that the river will always flow to the sea. We can only enjoy the ride.
And write these little postcards to you, our friends.

Comments

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

This is heartwrenchingly beautiful, you know. I think your reassurances, to us, your readers, are the most poignant of all the moments. When my mother was ill, it was easy to forget the quiet, beautiful moments in the rush of doctors appointments and setbacks and struggles. It amazes me that you hold them and recognize them and accept them, and it makes me want to scream at the sky for you.

[kenhighcountry.livejournal.com]

If courage is grace under pressure, you are one of the bravest people I have ever known. Your grace, your strength, are beyone what most of us could ever aspire to. Just remember, when the nights are dark and closing in, that there are people out here who are sending their thoughts your way.

[drood.livejournal.com]

That last paragraph was beautiful. Thank you.

Taking notes for someone else at the doctor's office is a difficult job; I've volunteered to do it many a time just because I know that when faced with too much information about the terrible things one's body is doing to oneself, it's impossible to absorb it all. I'm glad you're there for Arlina.

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

I can't talk very well about grief today, but imagine you learn to cherish every moment and then you get the rest of your lives.

It's worth working for.

[eleanor.livejournal.com]

What my brother and sister-in-law said. And thank you for the postcard.

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

hello to you and arlina. i love your little postcards.
xx.

[ms-priestypants.livejournal.com]

thank you:)

[niyabinghi.livejournal.com]

This is so very lovely. Perhaps if more people who are part of a couple would consider these things more, there'd be more delight and less stress in their relationship. I'm glad you'll still be able to make the trip.

LJ wouldn't let me comment earlier -- the sunset pic was breathtaking, thank you.

[ldygwynedd.livejournal.com]

Thank you for allowing me to witness such a beautiful testimony of love, faith, and grace. You remind us of the important things.

God bless.

[parressia.livejournal.com]

All a person can do in this life is accept what they get and you are a living example of doing that with grace and dignity. Continued prayers for you both.