Discernment and preparation

[zyzyly]

I have spent most of the weekend studying and creating a plan for the final months of my formation to the diaconate. Hard to believe, but the program will be over in a little more than 4 months, and our ordination is planned for June 5.

I haven't yet decided whether I am called to be ordained or not, but I am no longer stressed about it, as I was the last time I wrote about it in August. Actually, I am probably the least stressed out person in my class at the moment, at least as far as ordination is concerned. If I am called, it will happen, if I am not, it won't.

Whether I am called or not, I will continue to prepare. We will be called in during the first two weeks of March for our "final exam". It is an oral exam, before a panel of "experts" who will ask questions based on 21 broad topics. After the exam, we meet individually with the Bishop, who determines our suitability for ordination.

I am taking a leave of absence from work for the month of February; in part to prepare for ordination, and to regain some strength and rest after everything that has occurred this past year. I will spend part of the time at a trappist monastery in a silent retreat(I am wondering how bad my "internet withdrawal" symptoms will be). The rest of the time will pretty much be spent catching up on my required reading and reviewing four years of notes. Maybe I'll take some pictures too.

That's the plan.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i think your attitude is just right -- if you're called, you're called. i wish you well with the month of preparation and the exam.

[myasma.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[courier-iii.livejournal.com]

I'm "lapsed" but have recently begun a return. You are now a part of my prayer list that you may find a decision that you are comfortable is right for you. I know full well exactly how difficult it is.

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

it all sounds good!
by "being called" do you mean you are chosen by people? or
a spiritual calling?

[myasma.livejournal.com]

The first call is from the people who send me, and who I will ultimately return to serve. But the second call is spirtual, from the giver of all gifts.

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

it is such a great gift that you have received and which you will give. it's wonderful. :-)

[hussla.livejournal.com]

The vocation to the permanent deaconate is something that has facinated me for awhile now. You're not the first deacon/deacon-in-formation I've heard describe the entire formation process as discernment; something that differs, I think, from vocations to the priesthood and religious life. For the most part, I think most seminarians consider themselves "finished" with the "discernment" process by the time they enter a seminary. But I think that's probably a practical thing, considering the sacrifices priests make to be priests. But that's different from what it used to be: in the old days, when every diocese in America had a seminary AND a minor seminary or two, hundreds of 13-year old boys would enter formation in the 9th Grade, but only a fraction would be ordained. The formation WAS the discernment. Nowadays it's different; more and more men are finishing college before considering the priesthood, and on some level, that's probably a good thing because I think a greater percentage of priests being ordained these days actually HAVE a vocation.

But as for the deaconate, it's still a relatively recent vocation in the latin rite, and in that sense, it's probably good that the discernment process follows that of the old process for priests.

I was glad to read your post--it was honest and thoughtful, and above all, put the call in God's hands, not your own. God bless you as you continue your journey.

[peregrinus236.livejournal.com]

I came in late on your journal, so wasn't aware that the diaconate was part of your path. Now I think I know why I am drawn to your entries.

And discernment is really the more useful term for the process - waiting for the lotus blossom to rise through muddy water and open to reveal it's beauty - for we are all called to be ourselves. But it doesn't stop at ordination, since the choices that define our path keep on coming. It's really about on-going transformation rather than graduation or destination.

Many years ago, I struggled with something similar (although in the Episcopal version) and eventually entered a seminary especially designed for working people (all evening and weekend classes). I eventually found myself choosing neither the ordained priesthood nor permanent diaconate as part of my path, and have since chosen a variety of paths that presented themselves. Looking back, it all makes sense, however much confusion I may have felt at any given moment. But I never was really "sure" of anything -- just keeping faith that no matter what I chose, I was still cared for and called.

Best wishes at this juncture in your path and through all the choices that lie ahead.

[greymeowsr.livejournal.com]

Will miss your posts while you are gone, but it should be a very wonderful time for you. Enjoy it immensely. yf, Tom

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

Assuming that it's somewhere in the general vicinity of Sacramento, I would like to be at your Ordination.

I, too, am considering (lay) deaconate...maybe.

[myasma.livejournal.com]

It will be in El Dorado Hills--close to sacramento, on Jue 5th. Do you live in the sac area?

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

I'm in Livermore. I can get to El Dorado Hills pretty easily.

In my previous life, I used to go out with someone from Cameron Park, so I know the area okay.