A year ago part two

[zyzyly]

We got up early the next morning. All I could think about was how could I tell the person I love more than anything that she had cancer. It was a day I never wanted to live.
Arlina is reading this and tells me she got up early because she was planning to go to work!!

But I didn't have to tell her--she knew. And she was ok. I can't really recall too much of what we talked about as the day began. All I really remember about those first moments is that they were filled with an unexpected grace, and it was this grace that gave us what we needed to take those first steps down the path that had been laid ot before us.

I took her picture--it was the first one I took of her with the new camera. It is a little out of focus, much like the morning, but seems to capture the moment pretty well.



A lot happened that day. The wife of Arlina's brother had a baby--our niece, Johanna Faith. Another grace-filled moment. Because of this, we decided not to say anything to anyone about what was happening--we wanted to be able to celebrate new life.

We went to see Arlina's primary care doctor to get the necessary referrals. He had blown off Arlina's complaints of back pain for months. As it turns out, the back pain was the first symptom of her cancer. It had already spread to her spine and hip, although we didn't yet know that. I still have a hard time with this--a lot of anger at him for not being a better doctor, and at myself for not being a more vocal advocate for her.

The other doctors we saw were all people we knew and trusted--we had worked with them for years. Oncologist, surgeon and gastroenterologist. By 11 am things were moving so fast that I began to feel disoriented. Surgery, chemotherapy--all the things I knew were coming, but just not so soon. It was scary.

Late in the afternoon we went to see the new baby. She was beautiful.



We entered the weekend with a sense that this would probably be the last "normal" weekend we wound have for a while. We decided to just live it the best we could. And so the journey began.

Comments

[anabug.livejournal.com]

I know I don't comment a lot, but believe me when I say your journal is probably the most interesting, captivating one on my friends list. My thoughts are very much with you and Arlina.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

we allowed the little growth on gerry's leg to sit there for several months too, just figuring it was irritation or whatever. even the doctor, when he finally saw it, and the surgeon, on removing the lump, thought it was nothing. it can make us crazy, looking back and wishing we'd moved on it sooner. i think this happens a lot.

your gracefulness in not intruding on the joy of the baby's birth is a beautiful thing.

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

What a year. And what beautiful photographs. :-)

[robertstheology.livejournal.com]

I pray for you both each each day...love your writing and your photographs!

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

you really are gifted with grace. and generosity to share your story. both of you. :-) xxx

[moodtobestewed.livejournal.com]

I feel incredibly lucky that my life has not been touched by something like the two of you are going through right now. But I feel that by reading your journal I've gained insight on how to best to approach it when that day comes (as it inevitably will, unfortunately).

I'm keeping the two of you in my thoughts.