Treatment failure
Jul. 6th, 2004 09:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zyzylyI completely forgot that today was the day we were to find out the results of Arlina’s latest CT scans. She had them done the last week of June. As soon as she reminded me I became anxious.
Well, it is bad news again. The liver masses have grown a lot in the past three months--almost double the size they were. We were hoping that this current drug regimen would keep things pretty much as they have been, but it doesn’t seem to have worked.
What this means is that our options become more limited and more complex. We will have to decide whether to go ahead with the hip surgery or cancel it to have another round of chemotherapy. There are downsides to both.
If we proceed with the surgery, there is an increased risk of complications due to the uncontrolled growth of the cancer in the liver—particularly with bleeding (the liver has a lot to do with blood clotting), and with clearing the drugs they will need to give her for anesthesia. Any chemotherapy would need to wait for at least six weeks after surgery, provided there aren’t complications, which would lengthen the wait time.
If we decide to do chemo first, we would have to postpone the surgery for at least a month beyond the last chemo dose. This is because the chemo will knock out her immune system, and this would leave her much more susceptible to infection, which is already a risk with surgery.
Without the chemo, her life expectancy is now less than six months. The chemo gives her a chance of extending her life for an unknown period of time beyond six months, but it only works 30% of the time. Without the surgery, her pain will continue to increase, and she will eventually be unable to walk.
I cried when the doctor told us the part about the life expectancy. She had never really laid it out like that. I knew in my heart that it was coming, but it was so hard to actually hear it. It was, for me, the worst moment in all of this since she was first diagnosed. I think Arlina took it better than I did, but I can’t even begin to imagine what it must feel like for her.
She keeps saying she is sorry. Sorry she is sick, sorry that she will be leaving me alone. I keep telling her it is not her fault. None of this is her fault. It is what it is—we have no control over these cells that have taken over her body and changed our lives.
I feel stunned. I don’t know what to say to her. There are no words for this.
Well, it is bad news again. The liver masses have grown a lot in the past three months--almost double the size they were. We were hoping that this current drug regimen would keep things pretty much as they have been, but it doesn’t seem to have worked.
What this means is that our options become more limited and more complex. We will have to decide whether to go ahead with the hip surgery or cancel it to have another round of chemotherapy. There are downsides to both.
If we proceed with the surgery, there is an increased risk of complications due to the uncontrolled growth of the cancer in the liver—particularly with bleeding (the liver has a lot to do with blood clotting), and with clearing the drugs they will need to give her for anesthesia. Any chemotherapy would need to wait for at least six weeks after surgery, provided there aren’t complications, which would lengthen the wait time.
If we decide to do chemo first, we would have to postpone the surgery for at least a month beyond the last chemo dose. This is because the chemo will knock out her immune system, and this would leave her much more susceptible to infection, which is already a risk with surgery.
Without the chemo, her life expectancy is now less than six months. The chemo gives her a chance of extending her life for an unknown period of time beyond six months, but it only works 30% of the time. Without the surgery, her pain will continue to increase, and she will eventually be unable to walk.
I cried when the doctor told us the part about the life expectancy. She had never really laid it out like that. I knew in my heart that it was coming, but it was so hard to actually hear it. It was, for me, the worst moment in all of this since she was first diagnosed. I think Arlina took it better than I did, but I can’t even begin to imagine what it must feel like for her.
She keeps saying she is sorry. Sorry she is sick, sorry that she will be leaving me alone. I keep telling her it is not her fault. None of this is her fault. It is what it is—we have no control over these cells that have taken over her body and changed our lives.
I feel stunned. I don’t know what to say to her. There are no words for this.
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 10:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 10:26 pm (UTC)blessings
V~
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Date: 2004-07-06 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 11:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 12:03 am (UTC)What cruel cowards extreme maladies like cancer are. These uninvited guests slither in and tear your life apart without giving you the benefit of a fair fight.
I'm so sorry. I send my love to you both.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 04:21 am (UTC)This is difficult. I am truly sorry.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 04:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 04:49 am (UTC)I'm so sorry.
I hope you'll find peace with whatever decision is made.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 05:15 am (UTC)and continue to wish both of you magic. and peace.
Safe Harbor
Date: 2004-07-07 05:22 am (UTC)Cancer does not have ultimate power. There are things it can take from you. Desperately valuable things. But never the most important thing.
You will always cherish the miracle that you found each other in time.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 05:44 am (UTC)From the standpoint of logic alone, I'd say chemo first. We both know that a six month window can be far less. There's not enough time to do the surgery and then hope for enough to do the chemo.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 05:45 am (UTC)And, btw, I admire you so much.
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Date: 2004-07-07 05:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 05:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:24 am (UTC)The only thing, I think, that you CAN say to her is that you love her...and to thank her for sharing her life with you.
I'm thinking of you.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:28 am (UTC)Many continued prayers.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:33 am (UTC)I wish...
Date: 2004-07-07 06:58 am (UTC)I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you both.
You may, quite possibly, be the bravest man I've never met.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 07:24 am (UTC)I'm so sorry.
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Date: 2004-07-07 07:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 08:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 08:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 08:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:07 am (UTC)My heart is sick right now.
You both are in my prayers.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:28 am (UTC)I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 10:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 12:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 01:08 pm (UTC)I was about to go say my prayers, so I will offer the Chaplet of Mercy and my Rosary up for you and your wife's intentions. I will say a Rosary novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help for you also.
During this time of heartbreak and tears of sorrow, take peace in the fact that our most Blessed Mother understands EXACTLY how you are feeling right now and what you are facing. She's been there. Rest assured that our Blessed Mother holds you in her heart and in her most efficacious prayers. You are remembered most dearly by many and I'm sure a flood of prayers are this instant being brought before the throne of God for you both.
I wish I had some magic words of comfort... but know that I (and obviously many, many others) will be praying diligently and asking our dear Lord and His Mother to help you both carry this very difficult cross.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 01:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:40 pm (UTC)You are in my prayers.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:58 pm (UTC)I wish I had better to offer.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-08 06:05 pm (UTC)