Day 4

[zyzyly]

Here's what I did today.

I got up early and made the worship aid for Arlina's funeral tomorrow. Somebody else could have done it, but I wanted to. She had picked out the songs and the readings, so all I had to do was put it together.

Someone brought a ham the other day, and I had a hunk of it for breakfast. With some sourdough toast.

I answered about a million phone calls. One of Arlina's cousins wanted to fly in from Chicago, arriving at 9 tonight and leaving at 6 am tomorrow. She suggested I could come to the airport to visit with her. I talked her out of it (I think).

I took the worship aid to Kinko's for copying. Color copies are expensive. I won't tell you how much I have spent this week.

I got a haircut and had my beard trimmed. I went to the woman who used to cut Arlina's hair. She did a good job, but left it long enough to accommodate my midlife crisis and allow for the possibility of a ponytail. I had one of the moments that have become part of my life now--doing something alone that I always used to do with Arlina. She used to love to come watch me have my hair cut. These moments are like little time bombs that keep going off in my heart. They hurt.

I ran home and had a ham sandwich and changed into nicer clothes. I put on a red tie--she always wanted me to wear a red tie. As I looked in the mirror, I heard Arlina call me her "handsome boy".

We had a visitation at the funeral home from noon to 9 pm. I was there pretty much the whole time, except when I went across the street for coffee with one of my nieces. At 7 pm we had a vigil service. One of the guys who was ordained with me officiated. The room was packed--people were standing two and three deep in the back. It was such a beautiful tribute to her--she touched so many lives.

On of our nieces read a poem that she wrote for her aunt. It was beautiful. This is the same niece who spent so much time with us over the past months and helped to care for Arlina.

I gave a little eulogy. I spoke of Arlina's big heart, and her dedication to her family, and how she had taught me about faith. I talked about you--how you touched our lives with your love and support. How you surrounded us with your love.

We ended it by playing a dvd that one of my sisters put together of pictures from Arlina's life, to Clair de Lune, which was one of our favorite pieces of music. It was wonderful to see her smile in picture after picture. There was one picture, near the end, though, that just made me start sobbing. It was one I took of her when she was in the hospital. As I cried, I was surrounded by people who love me. It felt good. I'll put the picture behind a cut at the end, if you would like to see it. She didn't always smile.

I came home and put out the trash (trash day tomorrow), and had some ham and potatoes. Then I wrote this entry.

Tomorrow is the funeral, and then on to whatever comes next.

Comments

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

(((love))) :-) xoxo

[myasma.livejournal.com]

thank you!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm so glad you have loved ones near to lean on. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

R in SF

[myasma.livejournal.com]

thank you!

[pasticcio.livejournal.com]

Someday I would like to share a cup of coffee with you and perhaps give you a hug. Would that be OK? :)

[myasma.livejournal.com]

that would be more than ok! I look forward to it (especially the hug).

[filmsacramento.livejournal.com]

This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing.

[myasma.livejournal.com]

thank you for reading and being there.

[kimmylovesbobby.livejournal.com]

You're so strong & brave. She must be so proud of you. ((HUGS)) xoxo

[myasma.livejournal.com]

there is a little voice telling me, "pick up your socks"

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I admire your calm and perspective amidst the waves. (hugs)

[myasma.livejournal.com]

waves--a good way to describe it. sometimes it's surfing, sometimes it's just trying to keep my head above the water.

[poetbear.livejournal.com]

so lovely and full of wonder, Mike. hugs and love.~paul

[myasma.livejournal.com]

thank you Paul!

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it meant a lot to her to know that you would be there to be strong for her family and friends and they for you.

[myasma.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah--she would have loved every minute of it.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Oh, Mike.(hug) Words don;t touch this. I wish I could help.

[myasma.livejournal.com]

this helps! thank you.

[paradigm-palace.livejournal.com]

You're wife is beautiful. And so are your words. You don't know me. I followed a link from Ken's (tafkak) journal. I'm not quite sure why but I felt compelled to. In the relatively short amount of time that I've spent reading your journal my life has been touched in ways that are rare. I won't ask you to "add" me/"friend" me or the like but I do hope that you won't mind if I check up on you now that I've "met" you. I'm so sorry for your recent loss. (((HUG)))

[myasma.livejournal.com]

One of these days i will add all the people who have added me lately.

thank you for dropping by!

[ldygwynedd.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be so hard.

I am thinking of you, Mike.

[myasma.livejournal.com]

Maybe life is hard sometimes so that we can understand what love is.

[mylastsigh.livejournal.com]

a warm embrace my friend

[myasma.livejournal.com]

thank you my friend!

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

time bombs going off in the heart. that's exactly it. thank you for posting this, mike. i particularly appreciate the photo.

sending out good will and prayers...

[bigpancakes.livejournal.com]

Clair de Lune is easily one of the most beautiful pieces ever written.

[niyabinghi.livejournal.com]

(((hugs))), mike

[ruralrob.livejournal.com]

Can't tell you how proud of you I am. We are.

[courier-iii.livejournal.com]

"What comes next" is a really big empty and the rest of your life. Right now you've had busy work, but that will end. I've repeatedly heard others state that going back to the now empty house was the hardest part of the transition.

It's a part of the process. There will still be work to be done, so do it, and at a steady pace, but also give youself the gift of time to unwind.

My prayers are with and for the both of you.

[lisianthus43.livejournal.com]

She was beautiful... sounds like she left quite a legacy.

[blistermoth.livejournal.com]

lots of *hugs and prayers*

Step by step

[felixbunay.livejournal.com]

The "she'll want to know about this" moments will go on for a while, if my experience is typical.

For now, there's so much that 'must' be done...I hope we can offer you some entertainment and diversion when things quiet down.

Fortunately, though, it appears you have the equivalent of one of those big nets like the high-wire walkers sometimes have in the circus, made out of friends and family linking arms together.

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

I can't think of anything to say that's not cheesy, so, here's another *hug* from me.

[kamigirl25.livejournal.com]

For some reason, I think that Clair de Lune is a piece of music that evokes the essence of you and Arlina. I imagine that the photo tribute set to it was absolutely beautiful and poignant.

I am sending you lots of strength...for whatever comes next.

[fried-pearl.livejournal.com]

I will thinking of you today. (((hugs)))

[hagweena.livejournal.com]

How about another long distance hug???
I speak, not from experience, but from what I have gleaned from others, take your time. As A.A. Milne said, "Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering." You are in my thoughts.

[asqmh.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing your life so openly with so many. If there's ever anything I can do, please let me know. E-mail, call, write, shout, morse code, smoke signals, flares, ESP, whale songs, whatever. Just lemme know, okay?