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late (early)
Sep. 18th, 2004 03:47 amIt is 3:45 am here. I'm sitting up with Arlina (who is now asleep). She woke me up about an hour and a half ago complaining of increased pain. She took some more meds and moved to the couch, which seems ot be more comfortable for her.
I stayed up and took a shower. Now I am just waiting for her to wake up again. Listening to music, sipping a coup of tea and watching her breathe. Her breathing is irregular. High doses of narcotics will do that.
Her pain has increased dramatically over the past 24 hours. She was staying at her mom's house last night and woke up with terrible pain, about this same time. Since then her pain med requirements have doubled. I called the doctor yesterday morning and she gave me another prescription for a long-acting narcotic, to supplement what she is already taking. It doesn't seem to be having much effect.
When we saw the oncologist earlier this week, she noted that the liver was again much bigger, and thought this was what was causing most of Arlina's pain. We talked about pain control, but at the time it was nowhere this bad.
She just woke up for a second and asked what I was doing, then went back to sleep. She feels a little better.
When she first woke me up earlier, she said she thought it was the end. I wondered about it too, but I don't think so. I think there is some sort of acute process going on that is partially masked by all the medicine. It's hard to say what it is--maybe something in her abdomen. We will probably end up at the emergency room later on this morning. I have already packed a bag. I hate that place. I hate that I have to weigh whether or not to take her, because I don't want her to die in the hospital.
It is almost impossible to describe how difficult it is to have to make those kind of choices. And yet they keep coming, and I keep making them and moving on. Amazing grace.
I stayed up and took a shower. Now I am just waiting for her to wake up again. Listening to music, sipping a coup of tea and watching her breathe. Her breathing is irregular. High doses of narcotics will do that.
Her pain has increased dramatically over the past 24 hours. She was staying at her mom's house last night and woke up with terrible pain, about this same time. Since then her pain med requirements have doubled. I called the doctor yesterday morning and she gave me another prescription for a long-acting narcotic, to supplement what she is already taking. It doesn't seem to be having much effect.
When we saw the oncologist earlier this week, she noted that the liver was again much bigger, and thought this was what was causing most of Arlina's pain. We talked about pain control, but at the time it was nowhere this bad.
She just woke up for a second and asked what I was doing, then went back to sleep. She feels a little better.
When she first woke me up earlier, she said she thought it was the end. I wondered about it too, but I don't think so. I think there is some sort of acute process going on that is partially masked by all the medicine. It's hard to say what it is--maybe something in her abdomen. We will probably end up at the emergency room later on this morning. I have already packed a bag. I hate that place. I hate that I have to weigh whether or not to take her, because I don't want her to die in the hospital.
It is almost impossible to describe how difficult it is to have to make those kind of choices. And yet they keep coming, and I keep making them and moving on. Amazing grace.
